你的一百分會給這樣的人?

該是時候我學會獨立了。
依賴的人不可能一輩子都讓我依賴的。
真的真的很累。
這一生,一直拼命的追求不屬於我的幸福。
不管這麼追, 永遠都追不到。
也許是注定在二十前我都得一個人過吧。
也許吧。
就算找到一個理想情人,也要兩情相悅啊。
到現在,都還沒有一個可以給我一百分的人。
或許這就是命中注定的吧?

NUMB

Because I'm just numb about everything. Every single thing that's going on right now.
Apparently in 2015, being nice to somebody means that you are interested in him. To be honest, this is not how it works.
So sick and tired of how others are judging the way I interact with my guy friends.
I mean, come on. Being nice and friendly don't mean that I am interested in him.
Going head of heels for somebody because of influence is bad. And I'm guilty of this shit. So sick and tired of what's going on right now. Give me a fucking break.

A Random Thought

Do you ever feel, that you will never be good enough for anyone?
Do you ever feel, that you will be left on the shelf while the rest of your friends find their other halves?
Seeing my friends one by one, finding their other halves scares me.
What if one day, they all start thier own family? And I'm still out there in the wild, searching desperately for my other half? What if I don't have a fated "other half"?
Been a "bro" to every single guy friend I have. Ironically, coming from an all-girls school. Sometimes, I just felt like I will never fit in to anybody's life. Like I am never a piece to somebody's puzzle.
Falling head over heel for someone oh so frequently is bad. Falling for "A" few months ago, moving on so quickly to someone new. Seems legit since I'm looking for "the right one". But isn't things going way to fast?
So sick and tired of being the one who give all the time. I want to be at the reciving end too. I just want to fall in love with the same person every single day. The same person who can accept me for who I am. And, I need to not be so easily influence by all my friends. Telling me whoever is a good guy doen't mean that I have to fall for him. It's time for me to learn to control my emotions.

D-1

Had team dinner before our big day!
So good to eat and talk to the team. :)
And now that so many people are aware of my blog, time to change the url. HAHAH
Anyways, really enjoyed dinner w the team. Can't wait to get back on court with the girls and show others what NYP Tchouk is made of.
We had trained hard. Time to rest well and do our best for tomorrow. Jiayou!

Last training before IVP

IVP is this Saturday.
Haven't been on form for a really long time…
Really demoralising with all the pressure and stress.
Coach and the team are not even giving me any pressure but I'm just constantly pushing myself.
The more I push, the worse it gets.
So not prepared for this competition.
True that we are suppose to "go there and enjoy" the last match with the seniors, but honestly, I really hope that we can get into at least the semi-finals.
No idea why but really want to win this last match with the team. Not like I'm the one graduating or anything.
First match against NUS. Hope that I will be on form and do the team proud. Since I know how most of the NUS girls play, defending their balls should not be a problem. :)
Anyways, all the best to all playing for Tchoukball IVP 2015. :)

Passion

Remembered joining tchouk because I was so passionate about it. Now? I jyst feel stress and pressurised all the time.
Actually lose my temper at the team. This is bad. Like really bad. Who am I to raise my voice at the team?
Two days of friendly matches, both day doing badly. Not sure if it's the pressure that I'm giving myself or my passion is gone. Well, I still love this sport… But I think its not just about that?
We are less than two weeks away from IVP.
True that the team has yet to be annouce, I really want to make it into the team. Not like I'm a strong player or what. But being on the team always make me regain my confidence and passion.
I don't have to be the main 7. But I really want to play for IVP. Hope that coach will give me a chance. Hope that what happened during the last training did not affect anyone else.
Heard that the new batch of committees had been selected.
Having a mixed feeling within me. But definitely glad that I'm not the excos. :)

Once an IJ girl, always an IJ girl

Leaving secondary school wasn't easy. Thankful to have my IJ girls and teachers always there for me, to back me up. Even upon graduation, the teachers still care so much about me. Thank you. Sorry that I was such a disappointment.

Upon graduation, I understood the true meaning of
"Women of Integrity, with the passion to pursue excellence".
So happy that I had chosen SJC to spend my 5 years.
The friends I had made, taught me how to deal with girls drama. (trust me, poly life is so easy now)
The motherly and fatherly teachers who taught me so many things beyond my textbooks.

Especially

1. Mr Yeo Ghee, my A-math teacher from secondary 3 to 5, and also my mentor. Remembered how I always get so stress and depress over my A-math results, getting single digit and still not paying full attention in class. How I wanted to drop this subject thinking that I will graduate with no grade for A-math for my N and O level certs. Because of you, I was determined to pass my A-math. Thank you for staying during night studies to explain to me the questions (especially those super basic ones). Thank you for everything you had done for the class. Even thought I was the only NA student left during secondary 5 with the rest of the 5C through-train girls, thank you for setting classes according to whatever time that I can attend and not just go with the typical "majority wins" kind of vote. All these little things really touched me. You are a really good teacher, mentor, and also a very loving father to Tristan. Thank you for giving us lots of exam papers and clearing TYS so that we can focus on other subjects as well. Thank you for my B4 in Os!
2. Ms Berlina Tan, my English teacher in secondary 5. Knew you ever since secondary 1. Still remember the very first literature lesson I had with you. You literally acted out the front bit of "Lamb to the Slaughter". Literature lessons were interesting because of you. Talking at lightning speed, slamming dictionary in front of me. Can never forget my lit lessons with you. In secondary 5, you decided to pick out some "kids" and I was one of the lucky ones *no sarcasm here*. I was the only non-Pure Lit student that you had picked. Thank you. I had always dread English lesson with you because you will go on and on and suddenly going to lit. But, because of you - making me stand at one corner and speak out loud, writing super long answers for 2 marks comprehension answers, I got my A2. Never expected myself to achieve a distinction for O levels (especially not English). Knew you as the aesthetic teacher-in-charge and being in band means even more interaction with you. Thank you for having faith with the band during our public performances and SYFs. Meeting you on the MRT the other day was a little awkward and self-disappointing because of what had happened. Instead of walking away, you came up to me and talked to me, waking me up from my mistake. Thank you for caring even though I am no longer a student of yours. Now, you are the Vice-Principal of SJC. It's a waste that you are no longer teaching. But, SJC had gained herself a wonderful leader.
3. Mrs Ng Peck Hoon, my Chemistry teacher in secondary 4 and 5. Honestly, I really hated Science. Hated Science lessons because I can never seems to understand it. Secondary 4 Science was the worst. Spent so much time mugging and memorizing for this subject but only got a Grade 4, which made me hate Science even more. Because of you, not giving up in the class and making us stay back for lessons, I was determined to do well. Since I am going to spend time attending your classes, why not? To be honest, majority of the class dislike Chemistry because of you. But, it was not because you are not a good teacher. It was because of all the lessons and homework we had. Thank you Mrs Ng. Thank you for spamming us with homework. Even though we are NA Combined Chem students, you made us do Pure Chem TYS because you believe that we can. The super thick booklet that consists of various schools exam papers that most people didn't complete, proud to say that I did. besides being my Chem teacher, you were also the band teacher-in-charge for a year or so. Spent most of my Upper Sec time with you because of that. Thank you for caring so much for 5B even though it means being the "bad person". Really appreciates your effort. Thank you for helping me achieve my B3!
4. Mr Caleb Chua, my form teacher for my last 2 years in SJC. We are the first 4B3 in SJC, and also your very first form class in SJC. As you are a Geography teacher, you had never taught me. But you had so much faith in every single one of us. Always using reverse psychology to make us study. Saying things like "You want to retain is it?" to make us prove you wrong. Sorry that I was such a disappointment. But thank you. Thank you for not giving up on us, telling us your life story during the Sec 5 level camp. Thank you for all the little things you'd done for us.
5. All the other teachers in SJC. Most of the teachers in SJC somehow will know me (not a bad thing). Teachers like Ms Stella Lioe, Ms Adeline Ng Mrs Cheak/Ms Tan Seok Kuan were the other teachers that had impacted me to grow as a person, a leader, from an ignorant girl to a young lady. Thank you every SJC teachers for guiding me, for who I am today. I can never forget the morning prayers, mass, before meal prayers, singing the hymns, the spot checks, and the candle that we had on the stage during our national examinations. The candle and prayers played a really big part for me during O levels to calm myself down. 

Thank you SJC for who I am today. I will never forget these words;
"Simple in Virtue, Steadfast in Duty". 

4B3/5B reunion in the beginning of the year. Class of 2014.

SJC Band alumnae. Class of 2014.

the JOY when you see your fellow IJ girls in a new environment.

As the saying goes, "Once and IJ girl, always an IJ girl".

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

2nd January 1996
This woman was born.
Happy 19th!
The very first and also 1/3 of 姐妹们 was born.
Thank you for being there for me all the while.
Especially coming down to support me for my very first POL-ITE, knowing how much it meant to me.
Even tough we hardly talk nowadays, I still love you so fucking much.
Don't have much to say. Just know that I love you to the moon and back.

2nd January 1999
My very first cousin from my maternal family is born.
2nd January, the days my love ones are born.
My quietest cousin is born.
Thank you for tolerating my nonsense!
Especially when you are younger but more mature.
Smart, athletic, musically talented. Really proud to have a cousin like you. :)
Come by Singapore more often, ya?

HAPPY NEW YEAR

2014 has be the year that I had grew up the most, been through the most.
O levels results, working, new school with new environment, band to tchouk, turning 18 and clubbing.

How I spent my New Year's Eve:
Let's skip the boring morning routine and skip right into the main point.
So.. Had NYE dinner with the family and my aunt and cousins.
Then, went to Raffles to meet my dear friend ZhiHuay to "start the new year right" by clubbing. *HAHAHAHAHAHAH*
So, met her at 10pm and waited for her friend for almost an hour.
Was so darn pissed.
Took almost ONE AND A HALF HOUR to find Butter Factory.
Had to queue and pay cover charge to get in to a club for the first time because I have no guestlist.. :(
But, thank god for the fireworks!
Managed to sneak in front while everyone else is looking at the fireworks.
Didn't drink much last night and hence not high..
No hot guys in there either..
Don't really like clubbing there but the music was good.
Met Huiping in the club and joined her for the rest of the night.
Left around 3+/4 but there was no cab willing to take me home.. :(
Had to wait till 7 to catch a train home.
Worse thing ever.
Was kind of restricted in the club because of my super protective friend.

So that kind of concludes my NYE!
Will be doing a summary of 2014 soon!

Ending the year right with a family dinner :)

#ootn taken by my sister.
Trying out the candid shot. :)

Actual #ootn
Photo taken by ZhiHuay!

A little blur, but last photo taken in 2014!

Fist photo of 2015 in ButterFact.
Makeup was really bad :(

Met some really fun company last night! :)

Most of the photos are with ButterFact so has to wait for them to post the photos~

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!